Small Delight
by I once was young
Summary: You wouldn't be alive if it wasn't for me, and I take a small delight in that.


**Disclaimer: **This isn't exactly what I wanted from this story, but I have writers block and it is the only thing I could come up with. But, I do not own these characters or have any right to them. I do hope that you enjoy this piece no matter how hastily it was written.

"One day the

Dreamers died

Within us. When all our

Answers never came,

We hid the truth beneath

Our skins, but our

Shadows never

Looked the same."

I wanted you to save me, not from Voldemort or my father or even from my bad decisions. I just wanted you to see the light in me, peeking out from the darkness that I had surrounded myself in. But, you never once looked over at me or noticed that I was just as injured as all the people who mattered to you were. I had left my heart on the battlefield, too, and I had killed the only family I had left. You even watched me weep on my hands and knees when I took in all the chaos that surrounded us. Yet you continued on in your journey and probably made up some story of me crying for my lost lord.

You were never going to save me, no matter what I had done for you or your side. And once, in our few moments of speaking, you told me that you couldn't believe in me since I still didn't include myself in 'your' side. I scoffed at that, because I wasn't on any side of this war. I just wanted to sit quietly in my own library and ignore the fire and death outside of the walls. I told you that I wasn't on any side but my own; it was so much easier to keep up with the players that way. It was your turn to scoff, but I couldn't help but notice some of the tension loosen in your face.

Even after our rare talks and small insights into each others lives you still can walk by me so easily, not caring if I'll live or die. And in that moment I realize it wouldn't have mattered if you had taken my hand in our first year. We would still be in this exact same position. I am still a Malfoy and I am Slytherin in every possible way you could imagine. We could have shared breakfast together and studied beside a lit fire all night for a test. I would still be blood caked and covered in sludge, and you would be leaving me for someone who wasn't connected to the darkness that was only ashes now.

You have this impossible hero complex, anyone can see that. But, that complex doesn't extend its wings over all of us. Just the holy and golden can be rained with your light, only they know what your protection entails. As I think of this, the whip marks on my back ache in a way that makes me want to show you what real protection is. It was me hanging on a metal hook, like a slab of meat, and being beaten for days while the darkness questioned me about you. The only thing that came out of my mouth during that time was blood and bile, until finally I was rescued. But not by you, and you never discovered what I had done for you. What even your very best of friends couldn't imagine doing for you. Even if they had it wouldn't have been in the sense that was truly for you. I didn't do it because I loved you, or because I needed you for anything, or even because I thought there was a chance you would do the same for me. I simply did it because I knew that if you ever found out, you would always wonder what I would have done if we had been friends.

I shake off the past and notice all of you, the golden trio, embracing in the coming light of day. You are crying and squeezing tighter as if they might dissipate in the wind. I watch this as I struggle to my feet and hobble to the closest tree, my movement must have caught your eye because you are now looking at me over a bushy shoulder. Your eyes are penetrating mine, even from this distance, and I do not shudder nor cower under such scrutiny. I simply raise my wand hand, burn marks crisscrossing up my arm, and show you my pale skin, free from any black stain.

You never do say a word to me or even look in my direction again. But, I know that you would not be alive if it were not for me. And, I take a small delight in that.

I really hope that someone understood what I was trying to say in this, even though I didn't articulate the point very well. Reviews would be lovely, thank you.


End file.
